Shame on Me

As his gentle fingers found my cheek and made a path
From tear to tear, I closed my eyes and tried to love him back.
When a heart-filled whisper searched my soul and found my ear,
I listened but the words I sought were words I couldn’t hear.
And when I pried his fingers but he wouldn’t let me go,
I shamed him for his nakedness and myself for my own.

I’m naked it the lies of what I say but will not be,
Naked in the memories of what was done to me,
Naked in the waters of a cleansing ritual
That will not end and yet could never purify my soul.

Shame on me for reaching out and finding what I found,
For burying it in my heart instead of in the ground,
Allowing it to dictate what I say and what I do,
For claiming it as mine, and then for showing it to you.

Shame on me, I’m naked and I don’t know who to be.
Shame on him, my precious one, for ever loving me.

© Teresa Mayville